WARNING: Today is the 25th anniversary of my show on The Albertane Tour, and lucky for you, I recently found my old review. This is… cringey. For starters, I was 15 years old, it’s full of inside jokes that I explain poorly, and it’s long. This was the prehistoric age of the internet, and using real names was scary. I referred to myself as Mag and my friend as Jen (her real name is Heather), because those are the names we used in Hanson chat rooms. But the best worst part is I was too naive to realize I was starting with a sexual innuendo. The only editing I’m making in 2023 is to formatting. Read at your own risk.
Pine Knob, Clarkston, MI
*Hanson soaks the crowd, and l’m not just talking squirt guns*
June 29, 1998
by Mag
Jen came over to my house as soon as she got off work, which was about 12:30.
We scarfed down a quick lunch. The first time Jen ever ate bolonga. Jen ran into my bathroom to change her clothes. (She had marker all over from working with countless, hyped kids). My mom and my grandma started up the van at 1:00. The first thing we did was double-check to make sure I had the tickets. Then we just sat there, talking about how cool it was going to be and singing along to the radio, trying to guess when we’d loose the station.
Then we started our game of Go Fish. This was about 2:45. Our version of Go Fish is quite different than norm. If you pay close attention to my list of meanings, you will see that all (unless otherwise stated) of the statments are from Hanson’s songs:
A= Can you fly?
2- Are operators standing by? (Yes, this is “MMMBop”. Rick Deese once had a fake commercial for “your very own MMMBop”, and you had to “Call now, operators are standing by”.)
3= Seen any runaway trains?
4= Do your vocal cords work?
5= Where is it?
6= Where is he?
7= Are you barefoot? (“Kick off your shoes”)
8= Did you make her cry?
9= How are your nights?
10= How long are your days?
J= Did you get T.V. Guide? (Jack Dawson from Titanic (we came up with these in Jan.), Dawson’s Creek)
Q= Have you seen Nadia? (Nadia is the nickname of our friend Elizabeth, Queen Elizabeth)
K= Have you seen Nadia’s fiancĂ©? (She refused to “be married”)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, we were playing go fish and my mom and grandma decided to stop at McDonald’s to go to the bathroom. Jen and I didn’t have to go, so we walked around the parking lot. As soon as we got out of the van, Jen said “I forgot what it’s like to stand.” Then I reminded her, “We’ll have two hours to remember.” As we were standing there, we came up with a stupid-yet-cool name for a band: Whistler’s Noodle. I had my hand in my pocket and pulled out a string. We ended up writing Whistler’s Noodle’s first song, “String in My Pocket”.
“There’s a string in my pocket
At the McDonald’s parking lot
It came from your shoe
‘Cause I love you.”
(As in the chick who tore off Tay’s shoelace at Paramus). Then my mom motioned for us to come in so she and my grandma could eat some ice cream cones. I jokingly told my mom to sue McDonald’s for sending mixed messages. The coffee cup said “Caution:Hot!” and the lid said “Warning: Hot!”. There’s a difference between “Caution” and “Warning”. Then I, jokingly, told her to sue because there was an empty core inside the ice cream swirl. Anyway, back on the road we went.
We finished our game of Go Fish. Jen won. Then we started a game of War while still singing along to the radio. (It was on a different station now). I won. We were almost in Detroit, and started watching signs to see how many miles it was to Clarkston. Wanna know something scary?!? There was a billboard that said “Scalpel-free Vasectomy”. Then we tried pouring some root beer for the four of us. We managed to do so without spilling it!!! I think Jen and I ended up eating about half a bag of pretzel sticks on the way there.
Then we saw it. The traffic jam, the closed VIP parking gate, the sign, LeeAnn Rimes’ name, everything. Oh, back to LeeAnn Rimes. The Pine Knob sign had a list of who was going to be there and when. I guess LeeAnn Rimes was there the 4th with fireworks following. And that reminded Jen and I of another thing from Rick Deese. Back when “How Do I Live” was number one, he had this clip of some old guy saying “LeeAnn Rimes rules!” in a HEAVY southern accent. So we joked around with that. Anyway, now that my mom knew where Pine Knob was, we decided to go find a place to eat. No problem, right? Wrong ..
There was a Mr. B’s Roadhouse, two McDonald’s, a Wendy’s, and a take-out BBQ place. We weren’t in the mood for fast food, so we went with Mr. B’s. We got out of the van, got in, got our table, and then Jen realizes she still had on her sunglasses and left her regular glasses in the van. But she was still able to read the menu without them. Anyway, she must have felt bold that day. She ordered a chimichanga. Her second “new food” of the day. Not that it matters, but my grandma ordered perch, my mom ordered chicken stir-fry, and I ordered a shrimp caesar salad. The four of us were simply enjoying our food, when somewhere from behind … “MMMBop, ba duba dop, ba du bop, ba duba dop ba du bop, ba duba dop ba du..”
I turned around to see a group of girls behind us singing “MMMBop”. Then, after looking around the restaurant and noting the different styles of certain T-shirts, I realized the whole restaurant was going to PK. A little while later the girls started singing “Man From Milwaukee”.
During our dinner, my mom started playing twenty questions. She asked us if we were gonna scream. We told her no. She asked us if we were going to hold hands and jump up and down. We told her no. She asked us if we had paper and pencil for autographs. We told her no. Then she told us about how when she was 13 she kissed Herman from Herman’s Hermits. Then we explained to her that we already weren’t wearing the “Uniform”, which seems to consist of optional face paint and either your favorite Hanson T-Shirt or a camisole, previously only white, but after our encounter with other real-life Hanson fans, stripes seem to be pretty popular, too. No, see, Jen and I were wearing traditional colored, non-Hanson T-shirts and I was wearing shorts and she was wearing pants.
When we got back to the van Jen and I had an interesting time trying to stuff the left-over perch and shrimp into the tiny cooler along with the 2 liter of Root Beer.
After that, we went back to Pine Knob and my mom dropped us off. But when we were in the van waiting through the traffic, my grandma joked around telling us she had tickets, too. We were standing in line to get through the security place where they tear your ticket. The girls in front of us, three or four, don’t remember how many, (all wearing the same brown Hanson T-shirt) were discussing over who got Zac. Then one of them said “One plus one equals peace, which equals girl power!”, and Jen and I both started thinkin’ they were at the wrong concert.
Knowing the set-up of the pavillion, and knowing we were 58 rows back, we started walking toward the back of the venue, where other girls were running. Then we realized that we were at the lawn, so we turned around and walked the other way. We walked, and walked, and walked, and then we found it. The usher showed us our seat and, to our surprise, our seats were A LOT closer than we thought. Man, we could see the stage so well!!! (If you go to Hansonline and look at the Detroit pics, look at the one of Tay on the right, first row. That’s what it looked like to us, only we were on Ike’s side.)
A little while later the girls next to Jen dropped their cup, and sat there discussing it. Then they saw it under Jen’s chair and said “It’s under that lady’s chair.” Lady?!? How old do they think she is?!? (BTW – she’s 16). So, Jen picked it up and gave it to them.
Then, a few rows in front of us, there was a girl who had two black bracelets with spikes on them and she was wearing a shirt that said “Suicide Machine”. Uhhmm, okay. Then the girl next to her had long, orange, acrylic nails. That brings us to a dream Jen had. She dreamed that the girl next to us had long, red acrylic nails with Hanson airbrushed on, and that her name was Betsy and that she scratched us and we spent the whole concert in the first aid. Anyway, back to real stuff.
Then there was this other girl in front of us that had a sign. On the back of the sign it said “Hi Pickle” with Ike underlined three times. Is pickle her nickname for him?! Speaking of strange signs, there was one that said “Lava Lamp Gift Wrap” on the back. Okay, that makes sense. After awhile, the chicks next to Jen left for a little while. Then four girls walked past us and sat down next to where the other girls were sitting. They were all wearing homemade white camisoles with Hanson stick people on them.
After the girls next to Jen came back, we realized that one of the stick people girls used to go to our school. (At least I think “used to” go to our school. In 7th grade she got expelled for bringing a gun to our school. But then, the day after PK, another friend told me they let her back this year since she promised to try hard and keep her grades up and that she had changed her life around, but rumor has it she’s getting kicked out ’cause she’s not trying and she’s failing.)
After all this, the dads behind us said they needed to practice their whistles. Then the mom behind us started chanting “Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!” so I leaned over to Jen and quietly chanted “Colin! Colin! Colin!, Awww.” ’cause at youth group the night before some guys were playing basketball and when Colin was taking a shot they chanted his name and then they always said “Awwww.. ” ’cause he always missed.
Next, the girls next to Jen started talking about Admiral Twin. One of them said that “they were really hot and they were buying beer.” Do we really care?!? After that, the girls somehow got castanets and tamborines and started singing “MMMBop”. Then they started singing “Where’s The Love”. Then they started singing “Madeline” , complete with Zac’s “Ohhh”s, which Jen commented their lovely rendition sounded like a ware wolf convention. After this, they noticed there were empty seats a row in front of them and they moved down there. We weren’t sure if they were staying, so we didn’t move over yet. But then they came back, grabbed their sign, and took it with them to row SS. We knew they were staying then, so we moved over to avoid closterphobia.
Just then, a stagecrew guy walked across the catwalks, causing the place to erupt into a volcano of screams. (None from Jen or myself, however.) Then another event happened, causing more screams. Ashley decided to film the audience. Then someone started tossing around a beachball and a pink balloon with an H on it.
Then, the other girls started screaming when the band arrived. That is, they screamed until they realized it wasn’t Hanson. Then they just kind of sat there. I guess they didn’t realize someone was opening for them. Admiral Twin was better than I expected, although I’m not quite sure of what I did expect. Jen and I just sat there and clapped along, not knowing what they were singing. Between every song they said “We’re Admiral Twin”, and after one of the songs, Jarrod introduced everyone. All we had to say was “Where’s Mark’s face?” It seemed to always be hidden behind his curly mass of long, brown hair. Then Jen commented on the fact that John looks like John Lennon. During one of Admiral Twin’s songs, a dad walked by and said “These guys aren’t half bad!” The way he said it makes me wonder if he thought they were Hanson.
When Admiral Twin was done singing, it was about 8:00. They had some people come out and take away the instruments. Then some guy came out and vacumed. Why, I don’t know. But then they put up this small gray curtain, which since I was on the side, could kind of see behind. Then they took down the larger black curtain that acted as a backdrop for AT’s set.
While they were still setting up for Hanson, they started playing some more songs by random people, probably from CD’s. All the girls started screaming after every song, yet still no screams from Jen and I. Then the people in front of us, a mom, her daughter (about 7 years old), and her son, (about 4 years old) started talking about who they saw.
The boy (I later caught his name, Austin) said “I saw Zac!” and then his sister claimed that “No, that was Taylor.” I then noticed Ike grabbing his guitar, but no one around me mentioned it. And then it happend, the intro to “Gimme Some Lovin”. And the screams weren’t that bad. At least, not as bad as they were when the guy walked across the catwalk.
After the intro, the curtain fell, and the lighting fixtures, there were two, started going up and down. One would go up while the other went down and vise versa, then they both stayed up. If you want to know what they were wearing, check out Hansonline’s pics. Oh, but in the beginning Tay had a longsleeve, light blue button down (unbuttoned) shirt over the black one you see him wearing. Then they sang “Thinking Of You” which caused slightly more screams. Then they brought out the HUGE water guns, squirting the front rows.
Then they sang “Where’s The Love”. Unsurprisingly, it was awesome. (You’ll hear me say “awesome” a lot, but there really aren’t words to describe it). After they sang “Where’s The Love”, Tay said something along the lines of “Let’s see how much noise you can make!” This was, of course, followed by many screams. Nope, not from Jen and I, we just clapped. And then the mom in front of us got mad at the “Suicide Machine” girl because her sign was huge and her kids couldn’t see over it. And then they sang “River, which included the a cappella chorus from 3CG. Once again, awesome!
“River” was followed by “Madeline”. But instead of ending it like they usually do, they stopped right before the last set of repeated “Ahh – ooohhh, here we go around again'”s. Surprised by the new ending, the crowed stopped clapping along, paused, then applauded, and then they finished the song with the old ending. Jen leaned over and said “Sike!” and then the crowd continued to clap along. And then there was “Weird”. The first slow song of the night. While the rest of the crowd moved their arms to beat 1, 2, 3, & 4, Jen and I left our arms above our heads and just swayed slowly to the music. If they noticed us at all, (it doesn’t matter if they did or not), this was when. I’m sure we kind of stuck out, since our arm wave was slower than everyone elses.
It was after this song when it happened. We were all standing there, wondering what song would be next, when Ike said “Wow, you guys have got to turn around. There’s a gorgeous sunset behind you.” The whole crowd simultaneously snapped their heads from East to West to take in the breathtaking sight. We were all still looking at the sunset when they began to play “Sometimes”. As we all turned back around, I noticed that someone had captured the sunset on the big screens on either side of the stage. (Ashley wasn’t the only one filming.)
Anyway, when we were listening to “Sometimes”, Jen commented on the fact that it wasn’t that strange to hear it that much lower than 3CG. And then Jen got a tap on the shoulder. She turned around to see one of the security people for PK. Jen had no idea what was going on. Then the lady told Jen to get the mom in front of us. Then Jen and I thought she was going to yell at her for having a camera, but I guess she didn’t see it, because all she said was that her son couldn’t stand on the chair. (He was standing on it because, like I said, he’s four. He can’t see over the other people.)
Then as Hanson was leaving the stage for a scene change, Tay said “We’ll be right back”, but I guess the girls next to me didn’t hear him, because one of them said “Tis over?” Anyway, they brought down three curtains to look like a living room. Then someone brought out a smaller drumset, a table with a lamp on it, a blue chair, and the keyboard. And then Hanson came back out. (Tay learned his lesson from Live @ The Ten Spot – he took his top shirt off when he was backstage this time.) Ike said “This is the part of the concert where we tone it down a bit.” Then some of the girls near us sounded dissapointed. Then Tay said something like “This is a song we’ve been singing for a long time.” (I think this is where he said that.) Then they sang “Stoires”. Again, awesome!
After that, they started talking about the next song, which was “With You In Your Dreams”. The only thing I could hear was Zac say “grandma”. After hearing it live about three years after they wrote it, I can tell you one thing. Yes, it’s still kind of hard for them to sing that song. You could definately hear the pain in Tay and Ike’s voices. (I didn’t really hear Zac.)
If Tay didn’t say that about “Stories”, it was about this next song. “Soldier”. With the exception of lower voices, no piccolo, and no Jessie or Avie, it was just like 3CG. Complete with “rivah” instead of “river”. What can I say? It was awesome. Then one of them said something, don’t remember who or what, but then Tay and Zac left the stage and Ike sat down by the keyboard. Ike then said something like “This is off our first independent album”. (I don’t remember exactly what he said. And then he sang “More Than Anything.” After peeking over people’s heads, Austin turned to his mom and said “Mommy, that’s Isaac playing!”. The way he said it was sooooo cute! As for “More Than Anything” – one word: awesome.
Then Ike left the stage and they change scenes again. It just went back to the original scene – the one from Live At The Ten Spot. I think this third section was the most fun. I don’t know why, I just do. They started it out with “Speechless”. I think it was during this song that Ike walked over to the keyboard and started singing into Tay’s mic while Tay was still singing into it himself. Then they said “This is a song we wrote for our friend Ashley” After reading the program, I came to the conclusion it’s called “Ever Lonely” I couldn’t figure out what they were saying in the song, but I do know that like all their other songs, it’s kickin’ and rockin’ and it was awesome.
Then they sang another song that’s not on an album. I don’t know what it’s called and there aren’t any words. This song was awesome, too. I call it the bass song because they spotlighted the backup musicians and introduced them. Then Ike went back there and started playing while facing the bass guy. After he went back to his spot, Tay walked over and stood behind Zac. Someone handed him drumsticks from backstage, and he pretended to bang over Zac’s head. Then Zac got up, ran out and threw his drumsticks out in the audience while Tay took over drums. While Tay was still playing drums, Zac ran backstage and grabbed one of the water guns and sprayed the audience some more. Then he kicked (not litterally) Tay off the drumset and someone handed him new drumsticks that glowed and were multicolored. It’s hard to explain. Tay then went back over to the keyboard. Then Ike got up on Zac’ drum riser, and during the last few notes of the song, jumped off and slide to the front of the stage on his knees. He ended up next to Tay’s keyboard. By the way, this song was awesome!
At this point Zac started doing something on the drums while Tay said “There’s only one rule at a Hanson concert.” Then Zac stopped playing and Tay said “You have to stand up” like he always does. The only people I saw sitting down were a few parents and Austin and his sister. Then he told us to make more noise. No screams from Jen and I yet in the whole concert. Then, I think it was Tay who said “This song we are singing here in Detroit. It’s only for you guys, the Motor City. ‘Cause you’re the home of Motown Records. Here’s ‘Money'”‘, or something like that. Let’s just say their cover of “Money” was awesome!
Then they went back in to slow session and played “I Will Come To You”. I was surprised when there weren’t many screams when Tay pointed to the crowd at the end of the song. This song was awesome. Then they picked the pace back up with “A Minute Without You” during which the beachball people were tossing around in the beginning landed on Ike’s foot when he was at the edge of the stage for his guitar riff solo thing. He kicked it out back into the audience, but they threw it back on stage. Ike kicked it again and this time when they threw it back it rolled behind Tay’s keyboard and almost off stage. Yes, Ike remembered to introduce Zac. Personally, I thought this song was awesome!
They did another cover. This time they sang “Good Lovin”. It was awesome. “Good Lovin” was followed by another awesome song: “MMMBop”. During this song, the mom next to Jen got up to get some Dots ice cream. When she came back, Jen was so into the song she didn’t see the lady. When I taped her on the shoulder so she would move, she turned around and bumped into her, causing the dots to land on her pant leg and sandle. It was also during this song that Austin’s mom started dancing. Not just any dancing, dancing Jen said she saw on a taped episode of the Monkee’s TV show. During the song, I guess Zac broke his snare head because afterwards he threw his snare head into the audience.
Then they sang the song that the tour is named for. For some reason Tay decided to dedicate “Man From Milwaukee” to the people who were sitting on the lawn behind the pavilion. During Zac’s Mother Bird, a stage hand brought out a new snare. Zac kept saying his solo, while druming on the new snare, then switching to the old one when the stage hand moved the new one, and finally back to the new one. Even though Zac’s Mother Bird part was inaudible due to screams, “Man From Milwaukee” was still awesome. After this song, they thanked us and left the stage. A few minutes later the mom started chanting “Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!” again, so I leaned over to Jen and chanted “Colin! Colin! Colin! Awww.” again.
Then, from backstage, Tay said “You guys really want us back, don’t you? You aren’t gonna let us leave.” So they came back out. They sang “Look At You”. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought this song was awesome, because Austin’s mom started her late 60’s style dancing again.
The did their last cover, “Summertime Blues”, and it was awesome. When they started singing it, the mom in front of me turned around to tell me that she knew this song. A while later she noticed that someone’s glow necklace broke and that some of it got on Jen’s pants. Yes, there was a glowing dot on her leg. At the end of the song, where it goes “No there ain’t no cure for the summertime blues” over and over, Tay took the mic off the stand and held it out to the audience. After singing that a lot, he said “One last time” so we sang it again. Then he said “one last time” again, but this time he meant it.
During one of the times, one of the girls tried to pull the mic out of his hand. After “Summertime Blues” Ike was putting away his guitar and Zac walked up to Tay and whispered something. Then they all got around one mic and sang part of “Weird” a cappella. The part where they say “Sittin’ on the side waitin’ for a sign hopin’ that my luck will change. Reachin’ for a hand that’ll understand, someone who feels the same. When we live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin. So you don’t stand out, and you don’t fit in. Weird.”
Then they thanked us and got out the water guns again. Ike and Zac took the pumps out and poured the water, Ike tried throwing it with his wrist to make it go further, while Tay kept pumping the water gun in a hectic manner. Then they half ran/half walked off stage. We stood there clapping for awhile, and when they turned the house lights back on, we decided to leave. Jen and I walked up to the souvenier stand and bought programs. We were smashed in and it took us a while to get out of the crowd.
Then we saw a lady selling roses and it took us a couple tries before she heard us asking her how much they were. We ended up buying some. We were probably the only people who bought them after the concert. But who cares. As we were walking toward the parking lot, there was this huge gray thing in front of some stairs. For some reason we decided to touch the thing. It looked like a gigantic golf ball. Anyway, we started heading toward the exit and realized it was the wrong one. So we turned around and went back.
When we found the right one we got out fine, no huge crowd, and we saw my mom and grandma sitting by some tents waiting for us. My mom joked around and asked us if Hanson gave us the roses. Then she said that she was there for most of the concert.
When we were sitting there someone yelled “Hanson Kicks Butt!” Then I turned around and there was a Hanson or Bust sign in the van window next to us, and we had joked about that on the way there. Then someone yelled “I love you Taylor!” Why, I don’t know. Then some girls started blasting “MMMBop” out of their van. We were looking through our program, and we are still trying to figure out why Tay put quotes on his pinkies.
We finally got towards the end of the parking lot, and there was a huge bus with a limo behind it. A bunch of girls were screaming and waving at the bus, but ignoring the limo. Jen and I joked around saying that Hanson was probably in the limo laughing at the girls. Then when we got out of the parking lot, my mom jokingly asked it we wanted her to follow the bus. We, of course, told her no.
So we were on our way home and my mom wanted to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom and get some coffee to help her stay awake. Jen and I ended up buying some Fruitopia and when we were paying for it, I noticed the Detroit Free Press. And in the top corner of the front page there was a picture of Hanson. It was the Where’s The Love picture. It said “Inside: How to survive tonight’s Hanson concert” If we hadn’t left our money in the van (my grandma payed for our Fruitopia) we would’ve bought it just to have and to see what it said.
Since we didn’t scream during the concert and still had our voices, we sang along to the radio some more. At least until my mom switched it to a country station. Then we poured my grandma some more Root Beer . .. in the dark . . . without spilling it. Then we ate some more pretzles and ate some orange slices. Then we decided to go lay down in the back (the back seat folds down into a bed) so we could uncramp our legs. We started talking and then we ended up falling asleep. Jen later told me I was smiling in my sleep…
Yes, Hanson soaked the crowd. With water guns, their enthusiasm, their music, and perhaps for some girls in the first row, Zac’s sweat.
Scream And Be Frees 